I'm not sure how it happened, or when really, but there is no doubt that a transformation is taking place. And not just in me, but in Jim as well. There is this absence of angst, less talk about fear and anxiety, more time spent at peace and in gratitude. It can only be His power that transforms us because we have seen how everything else is just temporary and even when we are so excited, without Him it just fizzles out and we forget what it was anyway.
It must be the coming together after the breaking, the wholeness He brings when we rest in Him. Because the journey that brought me here to the Lake has been a breaking open of who I've become and a revealing of what I let go and what I latched on to and it was not at all fun to see. There was unbelief, so much complacency and an unwillingness to rest, to trust. On the one hand, I was settled and happy and content in my marriage but on the other I was panicking and distracted by the uncertainty of where we were going to move and I was only responding to things in the natural.
Biding my time.
Sort of passively expecting things to somehow work out while I complained my prayers to God. I exhausted myself with my little lists and spreadsheets and obsessive visits to every imaginable real estate site. And in the end, when I was plum worn out and ready call the Extended Stay America my home, God did what I could not do all by His wonderful, merciful self and gifted us this little miracle. Just.....plop, and there it was. On the exact day before we were originally going to close on the house, so that if I had not worried, and had not stressed out and flitted about, I would STILL have landed right here, ready to move in on the day of the closing. Perfect timing. It could have been.
If I had let it.
But, God. Who loves me so, "He will hold me fast..." and He did. And then He began to unpack in me what He really wanted to show me, where He wanted me to be, what He wanted to me see. It came through every avenue, once I opened my humbled heart and started to listen. It was a message on fear and one on purpose, it was the breaking of my heart that bowed me down in weeping during the first Mission's Convention sermon, it was the faithful wounding of a friend that gently revealed my cynicism, it was every paragraph in the book I ordered just to be supportive of my favorite author, and it was how He started to let me be the giver of hope and encouragement in the midst of all my new learning.
Hand in hand...given in and then given out.
And now it's November, and we are excited. We are the people who remember. We remember to give thanks, to gather together, to open our doors, to show up, to forgive, to commit, to trust. We are becoming trusters. Releasers. Resters. Lovers of Him, of good, of truth. We are becoming WHOLE.
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